


There's Always a Goober

by CyclonicJet



Category: Marvel, Spider-Gwen (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19384771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyclonicJet/pseuds/CyclonicJet
Summary: I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!





	There's Always a Goober

Alright people. Let’s do this from the top, one last time. I’m Gwen. Gwen Stacy. New York’s resident web slinger. _[In this dimension anyway.]_ I could rattle off the whole spider story thing for you, but I’m pretty sure we all already know that story, so let’s pick out the highlights shall we!

I got bitten by a radioactive spider and gained superpowers. I then proceeded to lose my best friend...and then made myself the NYPD’s number one most wanted. 

I went off and fought the inheritors. Beat them, and followed it up by continuing to fight crime across New York. Proceeded to lose my powers. Had to fight the kingpin of crime and his ninja army, on the equivalent of non reusable battery packs _[Except, you know, for superpowers.]_

Ended up bonded to an alien spider symbiote. Regained my powers. Accidentally went on a rage fueled rampage. Kind of revealed my true identity. Spent a year in prison for that. Had to fight the inheritors...again. 

And...well, that’s pretty much everything actually. Everything that matters anyway. So yeah. A pretty busy girl over here. I didn’t even mention the non spider stuff. Like trying to hold down a full time job, or the fact I’m in a band, or trying to make time to actually hang with friends. _[Like hang. Not hang hang, like a spider. Heh. Spider joke.]_ It’s not easy!

But you know what? I love it. I really do. Hard is it can be. Which is really really hard if I haven’t made that super obvious by now. But there’s nothing like webbing your way around New York, flying above the city and enjoying the endless freedom that only being spider woman can aff- _[%*@ &$%!!] *...* [I’m late for band practice! MJ is going to flip!]  _

Welp. I guess that’s all the time I’m going to get for the whole, self narrating thing. Cause if I don’t make it to practice, I’m pretty sure that me and the cat will be sharing a new nickname by the end of the day. _(*The cat’s name is Murderface by the way. Read Spider-Gwen!) [Or would that belong to whichever one of them kills me? Would they be the murderface? You know what. Idle speculation later. Getting myself across allllll the way across town now!]_

 

* * *

 

Gwen raced from string to string, swinging low and fast across the city. _[So factoring in travel time, and assuming no delays, I think I can at least make the second set! Man, I hope there aren’t any dela-]_ “HELP!” rang out a voice from below. _[Naturally...can’t criminals just chill out for just one night? Just once? Cause it would really help me out a lot.]_

Gwen landed on top of a building overlooking an alleyway _[It's always an alleyway. There must be other places where someone can commit crimes.]_ Below three men leered over a young man. “Come on fellas!” the young man cried. “Let’s talk about this!”

“Ain’t nothing to talk about kid. You’re going to pay for what you did!” _[Always so ambiguous. Just like, learn to speak straight people. Say it plain.]_

One of the men pulled out a knife. _[Annnnnd that’s my cue.]_ Gwen jumped down and landed between the three men and their would be victim. “Hey guys. Hope you don’t mind me dropping in.”

The three backed off and looked at each other. “Spider-Woman?” said the man on the left.

“It’s ugh, it’s Ghost Spider now actually.” _[Cool name. Not quite as intimidating as I had hoped.]_

The one in the middle, by far the largest of them, stepped forward. “You’re going to protect him!?” he asked incredulously. He thrust his arm out to indicate the boy.

“Um. Yeahhh. It’s kinda my _thing_ you know.”

They looked at each other again. “Look Spider- whatever it is now. I don’t think you understand what-“ 

“Look guys.” Gwen said cutting him off. “I’d love to stop and discuss the levels of moral ambiguity going on here. But I really don’t have time for it.” _[Like really don’t have time.]_ “Do you think maybe you could do me a favor and just skip to the whole giving up part? You’d really be doing me a solid.”

The three of them stared blankly at her. Then the big guy grunted and squared his shoulders. “Fine then. Whatever.” he said. “We’ll go through you first then.” He swung at her. Gwen sighed, dodging his attack. _[They never learn do they.]_

“Come on guys! Let’s not do this!” she said. “Be rational here! We all know how this ends!” The one on the right lunged at her, knife in hand. She grabbed at his wrist, wrenching the blade free from him and sticking it to the wall behind her. “Seriously fellas. All you’re doing is wasting everyone’s here’s time. Especially mine.”

Gwen spat out a web as the big guy hurled a third swing at her. Attaching it to a drain pipe above, she tied the other end around the big guys overextended arm. As she released it, he went rocketing upward. _[One down. Two to go. At this rate I might actually be able to still make the third set. Assuming I can wrap this up quickly enough.]_

The other two charged her. Gwen simply crouched and undercut there legs with a sweep from her own. The two toppled to the ground, and she hurriedly webbed them up. _[Third set here we come!]_

“Alright. You’re safe now.” she said turning to the young man. “Think you can call the-“ she trailed off. The kid was gone. _[Well whatever. The cops will find these guys eventually.]_

“Sorry to web and run on you fellas!” she called out. “But I got places to be. Maybe consider doing less of the crime thing in future!” Gwen started to climb the alley wall.

“You idiot!” cried the big guy dangling by his wrist from above her. “We aren’t the criminals here!”

“Ughhh, yeah. You kind of are.” she said mockingly.

“We didn't-We weren’t-“ he stammered. “He-He was the one who stole from us!” he finally managed to blurt out.

 _[You have got to be kidding me…]_ “What?” she said flatly.

“He robbed us!” he repeated. “We had just run the rat bastard down when you decided to show up!”

 _[Third set slipping away Gwen…]_ “God damn it- What did he rob from you!?”

The guy suddenly seemed hesitant. _[Ok. So that’s not suspicious at all.]_ “A USB stick.” he said.

 _[Oh great. A goober. Just what I need.]_ Gwen squinted her eyes shut, pinched the bridge of nose and started to massage it. “I’m just going to go out on a limb here, and say that it’s what’s on the USB stick that brought to the point of violent mugging? So. I'll ask again. What is it?”

Again he hesitated. _[Oh yeah. That screams innocence.]_ “...sensitive information.” he muttered.

Gwen propped an eyebrow. “Sensitive information?”  _[Classic goober.]_

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay, so you can’t really see this because of the mask, but I am just going to go ahead and roll my eyes.”

“Look! That’s all I can say ok! Anything more and...well, let’s just say I really don’t want to have to say anymore. Cause I’m rather in favour of my continued existence.”

 _[Don’t do this Gwen. You have places to be! You can still make the final set if you just-!]_ Gwen huffed to herself. “Where will he be heading?” she asked. _[Goddammit Gwen.]_

“Wait. You’re actually going to go stop him!?”

“Yes.” she said resignedly. “Now which way?”

“Ummm. Probably that way.” he said indicating a direction with his unstrung hand.

“Right.” she said. “You wait here and I’ll go find him.” 

He made a face at her. “Like I have a @$&”%#* choice!?” he declared wobbling himself by the web sling.

“I mean, I was going to say stick around, but that would have been too cheesy.” He replied with a deadpan stare. “Ok. Ok. Point taken.” she said shooting off a web in the direction the thief had apparently fled. “I’ll go get your thief, and then I’ll hand you all over to the police, and then you can all work out this whole mess amongst yourselves.” _[And then I can beg MJ not squash me like a fly. Heh. Ironic spider humour...Seriously though she is going to pissssssed.]_

“Wait.” the big guy said. “The police? Maybe we can just keep them out of this, you know? No need to disturb them and-”

Gwen swung away. “I’m sure you're all perfectly innocent!” she cried back. “No need to fear the cops at all! So you just hang tight till I get back!” _[Yes! You are on fire with the quips tonight girl!]_ The distinct sound of a long and agonising groan echoed back down the alleyway to her. _[Ahhhhh. The sound of an adoring crowd. It never gets old!]_  

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!


End file.
